The following are a collection of insurance industry jokes which I found when searching on Google. These are some of my favourites:
* A man wanted to buy fire insurance for his wooden leg, so he asked around. The first company offered $10000. The next offered $8000. However, the last one only offered $1000. The man was very curious, so he asked why it was so low. The agent said, ‘You will have a ready supply of water near your wooden leg, so if you let it get burnt it would be your own fault.’
I nearly wet myself laughing when I read that joke!
* A drunk wanders into the lounge of a hotel where an insurance convention is being held, intent on causing trouble. He yells, “I think all insurance agents are crooks, and if anyone doesn’t like it, come up and do something about it.” Immediately, a man runs up to the drunk and says, “You take that back!” The drunk snears and replies, “Why, are you an agent?” “No,” the man replies, “I’m a crook.”
* A woman was in the hospital after feeling very ill. The doctor says to her, “I have some bad news for you. You only have three months to live.” “Oh that’s terrible,” the woman sighs, “what am I going do?” The doctor replies, “Marry an insurance agent.” “Will I live longer?” asks the woman. “No,” replies the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer.”
* A smart insurance company executive and an honest broker were seen walking down the street with Santa Claus. They all spotted a $50 bill laying right in the middle of the side walk. Who picked it up? Santa did…a smart insurance executive and an honest broker are figments of your imagination!
* A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.” That’s quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.” The puzzled lawyer asked, “How do you start a flood?”
* Life insurance agent to would-be client: “Don’t let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.”
* If a risk manager, a broker and an underwriter were all drowning and you could only save one of them, which would you do first?
Go to lunch; or
Read the paper.
The following question and answer were allegedly from a genuine G.C.S.E. sociology examination paper. GCSEs are exams taken by all 16-year old high school students in the UK.
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.