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I had a fairly quiet Christmas Day this year – I stayed at home with Mum and Terry for most of the day, where we had our turkey meal. In the evening we all went round my sister Suzanne’s.

As for presents, my main one was a new mobile phone – a Sony Ericsson K800i. I actually got it before Christmas day, but as it is still a present, I thought I’d wait before mentioning it on here! My other presents included 3 DVDs, 2 CDs, a new pair of earrings, a red jumper and several bars of chocolate!

We spent Boxing Day round my Aunt and Uncle’s house, where we had a big buffet. In the evening we played a word game called “Pass the Bomb”. You get a combination of letters and you have to think of a word before the time-bomb explodes! Because I’m quite good with words, I won nearly every game! I thought that was funny, especially since I was the youngest person playing. (My nieces spent the day with their father, so they weren’t with us).

I have worked the last 2 Saturdays (last Saturday and today) as overtime. In my old department, people aren’t allowed to work overtime, but in the IT testing side of things, we are. Early in the New Year I intend to buy a new computer. And never again will I buy a computer with 256mb of memory! It just isn’t enough. Sometimes I get an error message pop up saying “Virtual Memory Too Low” as soon as I switch it on! I don’t know what type of computer I want, but I definitely want one with at least 512mb of memory, preferably 1gb if possible. I could just upgrade my existing computer, but I may just as well buy a whole new one. Especially as some of the USB ports are broken, and there is no DVD writer. I’ve had it for nearly 4 years, and it seems very slow now, despite my best efforts of deleting programs and files I no longer need.

I’ve already started backing up my essential files onto CDs in preparation – so far I’ve got through 3 CDs. If I had a DVD writer, I could have easily fitted all that onto one disc!

As I type this it is now 10.45pm on Christmas Eve.  I spent most of today visiting relatives and friends’ houses, to give them their cards and presents.

Tomorrow I will be staying at home with Mum and Terry for Christmas Day.  We will have our turkey meal at home – just the 3 of us.  Then later in the evening we will go round my sister Suzanne’s house.

Merry Christmas!

A: Neither, you should use a spoon! This is the really corny joke I found in my cracker at my work Christmas party on Friday. It’s sooo bad it’s funny! We all went out to Caffe Uno (an Italian themed restaurant) in Norwich. I had a traditional Christmas meal with turkey, stuffing and all the usual vegetables. For dessert I had chocolate torte, as I’m not really keen on Christmas pudding.

I’ll be going to another Christmas party on Wednesday evening at Norwich City football ground (Delia’s restaurant). That should be even more fun. I’m looking forward to the Christmas holidays themselves too!

Today I went to Outfit to buy a new top and trousers for Wednesday night. The top is gold with sparkly bits on, and the trousers are black. I ended up buying some gold shoes, bracelet and earrings as well! I tried everything on, and I really liked it.

Work is going OK – I’m picking up the new Test Analyst job fine, although it does feel weird learning a new job just before Christmas. The purpose of the job is to test the system to check that it functions as per the developers’ intentions, so that everything is running smoothly for when the system is officially introduced later next year. It involves entering test data into the system, and we have scripts to tell us what data to enter into each of the fields. If there is an error, we have to report it on a special database so the developers can fix it. This will be my last week of work before the holidays start.

What a week this has been! Tuesday was one of the worst days of my year so far.

On Tuesday afternoon at work, my manager came round and spoke to myself and several of my co-workers who have had their promotions held up by the recent re-structure. He told us that the head of the department would meet with us individually later that afternoon. I was feeling optimistic that this time the result would be positive, as I couldn’t think of any other reason why he would want to speak to each of us individually.

So I carried on doing my work, when at about 4pm I was called into the room with my manager and the head of the department. The latter started off by saying that he hadn’t managed to get unanimous agreement from the senior leadership for my promotion – one person had vetoed it! He couldn’t say who it was, but I think I have a pretty good idea. I felt sad, but I assumed that everybody else would be told the same thing. So I went back to my desk and carried on with my work. Then when my co-worker came out of the room I said, “Was it bad news for you too?”. He looked surprised and replied, “No, was it for you?”. It turned out that I was the only one to have had their promotion rejected. The 2 people who did get their promotions were already at the level above me, and they were being moved to the next level above that. I was feeling really shocked and upset, so this co-worker and I went to an empty meeting room to discuss what had happened. He suggested that I book a meeting with my manager the following day to talk in detail about my situation.

At home that evening, I was in tears for much of the time. Negative thoughts were running wild through my mind. I thought that perhaps it is because I am not a “popular” person and I keep my head down and get on with my work, so the person who vetoed it doesn’t know me. In our company, the senior leadership don’t have much contact with the “frontline” staff. I felt annoyed that someone who hardly knows me could put a stop to my progress, and I was angry because it felt like I had been the victim of a popularity contest. I felt as if all my technical ability and my achievements over the last 12 months counted for nothing. Mum and Terry were also angry (not with me but with the company). I spent the rest of the evening playing trivia games on IRC to try and keep my mind off what had happened, until it was time for bed.

The following morning (Wednesday), I felt sick and queasy about what had happened, and I didn’t really feel like going in that day. But I knew I had to try and get this resolved. So I booked an hour-long meeting with my manager, and we talked in-depth about the reasons why this had happened, the implications of it and where I go from here. It turned out that it was nothing personal against me, and that the reason why my promotion had been rejected and not the others is because I am at a lower level than the others, and that there is currently a review going on across the department. The person who vetoed my promotion didn’t think it was a good idea to promote me whilst the review is going on. My manager and the head of department are both strongly on my side, and they had tried to convince the person to agree to my promotion, but it didn’t work – they would not be swayed.

I told my manager that I am still looking forward to starting the IT testing on Monday (see my last entry for more about this), but that I am concerned because even though I didn’t get my promotion, I would be doing the same job as everyone else who is at a higher level than me. So I asked if I could be put onto “secondment” terms and conditions – this means that at the end of the 3-month IT testing project I would be paid an allowance to compensate for the fact that I am doing a higher level job. My manager was very supportive about this idea, and he contacted the head of our department and of the department I will be moving into, and he seems to have won agreement from both sides, although it is still yet to be confirmed.

Whatever the outcome will be, I am pleased that I was brave enough to stand up for myself. I have never been a particularly assertive person – I take after my Mum in this respect!

I am very grateful for the support of my co-workers as I went through this difficult week, particularly the colleague who encouraged me to book a meeting with my manager, and who brought in cookies and donuts to lift everyone’s mood on Wednesday. The girl who sits next to me was also very supportive, and we ate dinner together at lunchtime. Both these co-workers were shocked and angry about what had happened to me. I thought about their support, gazed outside my window to see the winter sun, and I looked at all the tinsel and decorations above the desks, and I realised that even though dreadful things can happen, there is always plenty of hope.

I am thankful for the people who posted supportive comments on my last entry – I haven’t had that many comments for a long time. And I’m also grateful to my sister Suzanne who, upon hearing the bad news, brought round a packet of Toffypops biscuits to cheer me up. I hadn’t had any of those for about 10 years (they’re pretty rare in shops these days), so it brought back good memories.

If any good comes out of this bad time, it will be that it has brought me and my co-workers closer together, and that I have learnt to be more assertive. It seems that people here, including managers, admire those who stand up for themselves when necessary.

So tomorrow morning I will begin my brand new project at work, and it will feel like a fresh start and a new challenge!

You may remember that in my last entry I mentioned there would be a meeting at work where we would find out more about the re-structure and people’s delayed promotions. Yes, the promotion failed to happen, again. This time, it is not due to the re-structure, but due to bureaucracy holding things up. I’ve lost count of how many false dawns this has been now! I was originally told way back in May that my skills were at the next level, but the promotion couldn’t be made official because of the re-structure. I am not the only person affected in this way – several of my co-workers’ promotions are being held up as well. Every month, we are told that maybe it will happen next month. Because this has happened so many times, I hardly even feel disappointed about the situation any more, in fact I even feel that I am growing comfortable with it.

At work we each have read-only access to parts of our HR records on the intranet. So every morning and evening, I log on to see if I have been promoted. (I would be able to tell, because my job title would have been changed to the name of the next rank). Alas, no.

This reminds me of a funny article I read in a magazine years ago. A girl had written in to the editor, worried that she was shorter than all her friends, and asking what she could do to grow taller. In his response, the editor wrote that when he was a little boy, he used to wish every night that he would grow wings on his back. In that way, he would be able to fly. So every morning when he woke up, he would check his back for any sign of wings growing. Obviously, there never was. Eventually, he had to learn to accept that he would not be able to fly with wings growing out of his back! The moral of the story was that young people should learn to accept themselves for who they are, and try not to worry too much about aspects of their lives which are outside of their control. Instead of spending time worrying about something you cannot be, you should take time to concentrate on your good points and nurture your strengths. Even though factors outside your control can sometimes mean you can’t have/do/be what you want, life can still be a wonderful experience.

Now on to the exciting stuff! It’s the 1st of December, meaning it’s exactly 24 days until we celebrate Christmas. At work today we all bought decorations (eg tinsel and festive ornaments) for our desks. And we even got an advent calendar each! It’s one where you get a chocolate each day. I haven’t had one of those since I was 10 years old, because after that, my parents thought I was too grown up for them! But I believe you can never be too old for chocolate, lol!

Despite what I wrote in the 1st paragraph, there is plenty of hope. Several of my co-workers and I have been asked to help test a very important new IT system which our company will use next year. A week on Monday, we are being taken in to the systems testing department as external resource (this is such a large task that they don’t have sufficient permanent staff of their own to do the job). It will last for 3 months, then the intention is that we will be returned to our current jobs. However, they have hinted that if we can prove ourselves, we may be able to stay longer and help test other systems as well. Either way, they have said that it will look good on our CVs/resumes. And if any permanent jobs come up in the department in the future, we will stand a strong chance of being accepted, because we will have had previous experience of the work. I’m looking forward to it, and Test Analyst is the sort of job I have wanted to do for a long time.

It’s the weekend now, but I don’t have any plans.  I’ll just see how things go.